wanderish

formulaic

2005-12-04T12:34:00.000-08:00

formulaic

& so another poet
took the word
& arranged it
upon the page

exactly
where
i intended
to place it

up on the page

the title
i wanted to use

forgiveness

so i forgive him
& move on

& attempt to write about letting go
of bad habits of the best laid plans
of waiting all week for a phonecall
of being satisfied by little more
of want & of need & of have & received
of those who don’t desire change
of those who don’t grow
of expectations that will remain unmet
of doubting who & what i know

all attempts i eventually delete
all attempts considered
to be
too formulaic

so my thematic equation
remains unsolved
the variables never change
the patterns stay the same

i am still x
he is still 0
there is still no answer for y

i wanted to use
forgiveness

so i could forgive him
& move on

but the title was already taken

it has already been said
& continues to remain
unheard
even now
as it is read.

i am thankful

2005-11-22T17:34:00.000-08:00

i am thankful

(that i am home)

i am thankful for the light & shadows
splayed across the dusty blinds
for the ever changing art installation
as i look outside

i am thankful for the wind
even when i don’t feel it
how its movement
becomes more visible
when i am still

i am thankful for the fig trees in my garden
how they have roots in this soil & bear fruit
& even though i have not eaten the figs yet
how delicious the anticipation is of saying
yet

i am thankful there is no silence as long as there are grackles & doves
& for the squirrels & their sideways glances & furtive dashes
how they can spend an entire day going to & fro

i am thankful for spider webs those delicate traps
how home is where you make it & always temporary
& if accidentally broken then reconstructed
somewhere else (perhaps close)
in time

i am thankful for this time this time that i have not expected
that i assumed would be filled but that is not unaccounted
like the digital clocks on the microwave or the stereo
constantly telling but often reset

i am thankful for no tv
for the escapism that is
just solitude
again

i am thankful for my fridge
though often empty
a magnetic canvas
of happenstance poetry

i am thankful for my stove
how the flame has never failed me
& for the teapot that whistles now
only occasionally

i am thankful for the bed that is
wider than my hips
& longer than my sleep
for the layers of meaning
attached to each

i am thankful for the sticks & stones
that have been collected & not thrown
for the seashells that lie beached
in this room i call my own

i am thankful for how oceanic
i try to keep my arrangements
all of them
in constant
ebb & flow

i am thankful for the sudden force of the shower
the torrent of emotion that only water clearly enunciates
& for the shower itself how it drenches me in memories
of waterfalls of monsoons of lovers
left behind

i am thankful for the bathtub filled
with my body & its residue
how it empties slowly
but not without leaving a mark

i am thankful for a closet full
for hangers draped in softness
of unburdened touches
i can cover myself with
a myriad of colors
even when i am feeling
just blue

i am thankful for the whirring of the computer
for the electricity for the current
it keeps me connected
so that even when static
i am connected to you.

touching base

2005-08-29T12:38:00.000-07:00

with all of you & wrinkling my brow at the fact that it has been over a month of being back "home." sometimes i forget that i was ever gone because life seems to have simply picked up again right where i left off. almost eerily so. but then i see someone i haven't seen in a long time & they look surprised & scream hello! & we jump up & down & hug & do a lil jig & i realize that i must have been gone for some time...
anyways, here i am in your mailbox just to let you know that i am thinking of you again. as i do. often. i hope y'all are all content & full of laughter & not forgetting.
i also hope the bazillion photos i've sent have given you a sense of where i've been/where i'm at in a way my words just couldn't...
still. i've been staring at the computer screen altogether too much these days. looking for all kinds of stuff...i suppose it's the price i must pay to get sorted.
although i think i have certainly been "productive" since i've been back stateside.
* reconnected with my family & friends again
* been to crawford to witness/support the cindy sheehan protest against the war in iraq
* bought my first fuel efficient car (a very ishlike honda civic)
* found two part-time teaching gigs (teaching ESL two nights a week with AISD & teaching poetry to lil ones through http://www.badgerdog.org/) and will be substitute teaching until i can find a "real" full time full benefits job
*moved into a cute lil bachelorette casita in my old hood
(email me for my address)
please visit soon or at the very least send me a postcard!
* acquired a cellphone (email me for my number!)
& if you want me to call you & talk your ear off i have *free* minutes after 7 my time
so i shall happily oblige ya with stories & more til late into the night...
i'm on borrrowed computer time so forgive me if i haven't sent y'all personal responses to your emails but this is just a quick note to say hello again & thank you to all of you who helped me find exactly what i needed to move on. & essentially, that's all of you.

do keep in touch. y'all mean soo much to me.

love
ish

mcleod to texas via zen route

2005-07-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

copy and paste the following directly into your browser
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=zgb2qvr.9c7btuaz&x=0&y=yvsc1d

mumbai to mcleod via scenic route photos

2005-07-30T14:12:00.000-07:00

copy and paste the following directly into your browser:
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=zgb2qvr.23ps78az&x=0&y=8jco3h

my family in dahod photos

2005-07-20T21:42:00.000-07:00

copy and paste the following directly into your browser:
http://amazon.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=zgb2qvr.3osk6223&x=0&y=28p8e0

wow. this photo archival project takes up a lot of time. but seeing all the faces & landscapes again makes me glow inside. hope y'all are enjoying them too.

fotos from my last days at manav sadhna

2005-07-18T22:05:00.000-07:00

copy and paste the following directly into your browser:
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=zgb2qvr.1meb8r6j&x=0&y=q14xza

photos from kutch

2005-07-18T20:01:00.000-07:00

http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=zgb2qvr.6ooxwd4r&x=0&y=-m8jgjv

new photos of old

2005-07-16T18:20:00.000-07:00

now that i'm home & can sit in front of the computer waiting for images to download...you can see where i've been since april!

copy and paste the following directly into your browser:
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=zgb2qvr.blg7frvf&x=1&y=g3wmcw

the wobbly one has landed

2005-07-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

home. & i'm a bit off balance due to the inevitable feeling of being half here & half there & with a sprained ankle ta boot. been back less than 24 hours & have already taken one bubble bath & two hot showers & reacquainted myself with the background noise of npr & cnn & eaten my parents' scrummy home cooking (indian, of course!) & hung out with my brother & his girlfriend alison & their adorable new welsh corgie named biscuit & talked incoherently to my sister & her man ben (whom i forgot to congratulate on their engagement! congratulations sistah & new brother-in-law-to-be!) & slept in my own room again & done laundry & almost unpacked & well...i still have much to do.
but i wanted y'all to know that i am beyond excited to catch up with all of you again.
there is soo much to hear about - soo much to say.
my last couple of weeks in india were magical. it was my good fortune to witness the dalai lama's 70th birthday celebrations, to be able to say a proper goodbye to my students, to wander the streets of mcleod in a familiar fashion & yet never with boredom, to visit robin (& his bunnies, dog, & ducks) in tranquil dharamkot, to see chic flicks & have chic talks with kate & maura, to witness the ordered chaos of the dharamsala hospital with the boys http://himherandhimalaya.blogspot.com/2005/07/sport-weekend-brendon-breaks-ankle.html
, to do my own ritual walk/kora through the gorgeous misted forest, to eat chocolate covered rumballs, to celebrate pierre's birthday & say goodbye to friend's corner with a bevy of thunderbolt beers, to witness the real monsoon, to marvel at the glow of sunset upon the golden temple at amritsar, to stand agape at the patriotic flagwaving during the indo-pak border closing ceremony, to see a bollywood movie at an old rundown theater, to get driven about in a bicycle rickshaw, to share the goodness of ras malai with ben & ewan, to take my last overnight sleeper train ride (non-AC!) for some time, to fly through delhi, to spend time with all the branches of my family in mumbai- mostly involving eating (pani puri to dahi wada to custard apples & mangoes to indo-mexican to channa bataka to k rustom's ice cream), to see our tax dollars at work with melanie & anthony at the us consulate, to my last bit of bargaining streetside for a wee bit, to sapphire & tonic at the airport bar... a perfect way to say goodbye to india. i will certainly miss it. & miss all the ones i've met who kept me smiling along the way. til we meet again. of course.
now i'll be at my parents' house until i've sufficiently decompressed & then i'll make my way back to austin. i'm starting from scratch again...need a place to live, a way to get around town, a job, etc. so if any of you have any suggestions/leads/hints please send them my way. i'm taking everything into consideration because if i've learned anything from my time in india it is that you should take everything with consideration. sometimes things just seem to fall in your lap or come your way & it's often just as it should. the power of good intentions of word of mouth of heart has never failed me yet. so i'm not that worried. but if i seem a bit disoriented & clueless...well, it is probably because i am. but that's nothing new to those of you who know me well. it's just a matter of time...
talk to you soon.
love
ish

a monsoon of thoughts

2005-06-30T03:01:00.000-07:00

the rain has stopped for a bit but my mind is flooded with thoughts & i know i promised a part two to my last rambling email but i'm gonna have to just start here. now. simply in the moment. i'm in mcleod ganj listening to the sound of fellow travellers furtively typing away. we are all trying to keep connected. & that is exactly where i'm at. trying to keep connected.
today his holiness the dalai lama smiled at me. i have to admit to a certain thrill when the gates to his residence open & his entourage lines up (incense holder to scrolled scripture bearer to ak-47 machine gun soldier to yellow mohawked wonder) & even the security dogs seem to be basking in his glow when he walks out to greet us. it just takes a smile & a wave from him & my day feels as if it's started out most beautifully. the deep vibrato of the chants & prayer every morning have become so familiar it's like white noise. but a lovely kinda white noise that puts you in a contemplative mode within moments. but here is where the little buddhist in me stops. as much as i love the fact that we've finally found a sweet spot where our radios transmit the english translation of his teachings i must admit that i have the radio on only half the time. he is teaching about ridding oneself of attachments & distractions. of obtaining serenity through concentration & meditation & selflessness & being mindful & what i've realized is that i'm most mindful of how full of attachments & distractions i am. i mean yesterday i was distracted by a snail. it was teatime & the monks were rushing about with huge metal teapots filling everyone's cups, saucers, & bowls with milky tea & there at my feet was this snail & all of a sudden i had to protect it from a hurried monk's footstep & i couldn't help but watch over it the rest of the time i was there. a few older tibetans sit next to me everyday their lips constantly moving as they pray, fingers constantly moving the beads on their malas & they were visibly amused at my distraction. but as i sat there shivering in my woolen shawl i realized that i wasn't there at all. the snail was where i was at. wanting a protective shell to call home but still desiring to leave a silvery trail of movement. i have to admit i'm scared of suddenly finding myself still. again. so today's distractions were tail wagging dogs, beaming taiwanese nuns, a small runny nosed tibetan girl who was emulating an elder's prostration (where she kneels down on hands & knees & kissed the ground in front of the dalai lama) & a few documentary filmmakers. i tuned in & out of the teaching & there was much said about the impermanence of things & as i just found out that the recent flooding of the sutlej river (by a burst dam in tibet under china!) had completely submerged the wonderful guest house & hot springs in tattapani that i was staying at a couple of weeks ago i had to switch off the radio & sigh & realize that the truth of the teachings has been taught to me already in many ways. so i left & walked back up the hill via the same teastalls, roadside shops, & beggars that i pass every day. but today the little one that i never give money to but who i always say hello to & smile at & occassionally hold & wipe his runny nose recognized me from afar & came running up & jumped into my arms & i just lost myself in holding him (i actually thought it was a her til now but he wasn't wearing pants today & well...he's a boy!) there is nothing quite like a child to make you forget yourself even if it is just for a short while.
what a difference a day makes. i walked into this cafe full of joy to attempt to finish what i had started yesterday & am suddenly assaulted by the yelling of some of the rudest tourists i have ever heard winging about the ever so slow internet service & the lack of customer service in an incredibly patronizing colonial tone of voice which made me lose my temper & so i just had to scream at them. now my heart is beating fast & i've cursed loudly at someone for the first time in ages & i feel terrilble for letting my anger shoot out from my mouth instead of my fingertips. but sometimes i feel as if the people that come to india have absolutely no sense of adaptability & i am tempted to ask them why in the world they chose to come here in the first place. india is not an easy place to travel. it never will be & even in a place like mcleod ganj that caters to western tourists there are moments of no peace of car horns of cows holding up traffic of power cuts of no service of things not being quite like home...well, it's just not home. if people want home they should really just go back home. sorry, but i can't believe i just had to defend the owner of this internet cafe from a bunch of bitchy tourists. what a difference a day makes.
deep breath. back to yesterday...further down the street i met a snake charmer & had a semi-coherent conversation about king cobras & the need for a lot of trust and/or anti-venom. with the amount of hindi i know i reckon most of the conversation was my imagination but sometimes those are the best kind. jenny, a fellow traveller/sisterspirit, was just telling us the story of how her & her travel mate rachel had the most entertaining made-up conversations on their first very long bus ride in china. they would ask questions like "where did you get those crazy shoes buddy?" & the locals would answer back something in chinese & the conversation would just move on in laughter. she re-inspired me to just talk to people regardless of our language differences. so much can be said with body language alone. anyhow, i'm not even sure that i'm getting through to other native english speakers with my use of language these days.
& yet here i am teaching english. the first day i was here i landed at the LHA http://www.lhainfo.org/about_lha.htm
in search of some volunteer options & was taken by my new conversation partners to another ngo called the dogga http://www.dogga.org/ where i surprisingly found myself about to co-facilitate an english conversation class. the other teachers seemed to be expecting me & it was one of those moments where i just shrugged my shoulders & said why not? i'm so happy that i did. not only do i have two sweet students who i teach privately, but i also have a wonderful class full of tibetan, vietnamese & thai monks (& laypeople) who have taught me soo much about their various cultures/lives that i'm nearly bursting with stories to tell y'all. last night's class topic was FASHION & let me tell you that these monks can strut their stuff. we basically conducted a fashion show complete with a few monks puffing up their chests & flexing their muscles, a demonstration in shawl whipping techniques & how to run in a robe, & an explanation of the various types of robes & colours. we also pondered the question of to shave or not to shave your head. y'all would have laughed as i tried to define the term "soul patch" with a straight face to some serious buddhists or as maura talked about the infinite comfiness of the flip-flop. we wished we had had a video recorder to capture the silliness of it all. we've gone from serious to goofy as we've discussed such things as the situation of tibet, the next life, the environment, education, travel, non-violence, culture shock, buddhist philosophy & the monastic life. it will be sad to leave the class after the term is over in a few days...but i suppose that is another lesson in attachment that i needed.
even though the dalai lama's teachings & teaching english have kept me kinda busy here i have still found plenty of time to lounge about various cafes, video halls, bakeries, and waterfalls with a lovely group of travellers. i couldn't have asked for a more considerate group of people to be around: ben, kate, and their 7yr old son ewan, jenny & rachel, brendon & anne, alon & xavi, janine & alan, & friends of friends of friends keep coming & going til all seem like part of an extended family now.
i had just escaped chandigarh (a few awful days which involved being denied a hotel room after a 27 hour trainride because i looked indian & only had copies of my visa extension, a visit to the police commissioner who had to personally convince a hotel to take me in, rude rude rude locals, heat exhaustion & general malaise, an atm that refused to give me money, not to mention the awfully helpless feeling of being stuck somewhere due to a lack of legitimate documentation...) & had survived a series of busrides to get to tattapani & was sitting alone at a table not really in the mood to talk to anyone & yet they invited me over & within a few minutes i was laughing & within a few hours we were soaking all our troubles away in the hot springs & within days we had become rather good mates. it's funny how a place attracts similar spirits & good energy & i'm still shocked that the guesthouse no longer exists. that a river has replaced it. but i feel blessed to have been there. i chased kingfishers, soaked in the sulphurous water, built many a cairn with perfectly rounded river rocks, practiced skipping rocks, took long walks, enjoyed conversation & beers by the bonfire, finished a fine balance by rohinton mistry & found a bit of balance myself.
after i left tattapani i left the others in mandi & wandered to rewalsar lake on me own. it was one of the most peaceful sacred places i have been to in my life. i stayed at a tibetan monastary that overlooked the lake & watched the buddhist pilgrims walk their ritual kora around the lake spinning their prayer wheels & the hindu pilgrims offering prasad to the gigantic fish, cheeky monkeys, & goats on the other side of the lake & each day at sunset i sat near a sikh pilgrim as he listened to the prayers from the gurdwara on the lake. one day i hiked up to some buddhist caves & was invited to many of the villager's homes for tea & given apricots shaken straight from their trees & the generosity of strangers never fails to astound me. i found this to be true in the next place that i went to as well. the small town of naggar between kullu & manali proved to be the perfect mountain getaway for a few days...i could've stayed longer but it was the kinda place that if you stay too long you may never leave. i had an ish-sized room that was nearly all windows which overlooked the snowclad himalayas & experienced a pre-monsoon rainstorm all bundled up in my bed with flashes of lightning & the sound of raindrops lulling me to sleep. there was a haunted castle & a museum dedicated to the roerich family which were both enchanting & after going to a manali full of traffic jams & shawl hawkers for a manic day trip i was glad that i decided to stay in naggar first. there was absolutely no rushing around there. i spent three days just doing exactly what i wanted to do when i wanted to do it & at times like that i realize why it is that i love traveling alone. i was completely anonymous again. one night i ended up at a rather interesting organic cafe with a bunch of hippie expats & there was one of those white ex-western babas talking about the power of shiva & the evilness of money who drove me insane with his generalizations that he tried to pass off as nuggets of wisdom. i think there were many more of his kind in the kullu manali valley...which is why i headed straight for mcleod ganj after naggar.
which is where i am now. surrounded by all sorts of babas.
but somehow i'm rolling my eyes less & laughing at it all more & more.
i hope you doing that wherever you are too.
i'll be home in a couple of weeks & can't wait to see all of your smiling faces soon.
love
ish

i’ve gone from being an april fool to a superstitious one.

2005-05-22T05:40:00.000-07:00

13 is one of my lucky numbers & so i just couldn’t resist updating y’all from my mamma’s house in mumbai (coincidentally flat #13!) this friday the 13th. now it’s the 22nd already & time to wish ellie & wade both very happy birthdays. i miss you both very much & wade darlin’ you know how i feel. sorry i’m missing your birthday but i’ll be home soon. so last time i wrote i was in dizzy desi decision making mode. like many of my fellow indians, i realized that by saying yes & no & maybe all at the same time that i could avoid actually answering specific questions altogether. works like a charm…especially on oneself. i was uncertain about staying in india longer than the six months my visa(s) allowed but i went ahead & extended my tourist visa (thanks roopal & virenbhai!) so that i would at least have the option of returning to a’bad in june in order to catch a performance by the kids in our communal harmony project. at the moment, however, there is no guarantee that there will be a performance or if i will get back there anytime soon…speaking of being there, i really do miss a’bad. there is no real way of knowing how much a place has transformed you until you leave it & the gandhi ashram & manav sadhna & meeting my a’bad family have undoubtedly changed me in ways i just couldn’t have anticipated. in a strange way i left there feeling both much older & more youthful than i ever have before. i guess i left there feeling my true age...with all of it’s beauty & weight. some highlights of my last month there:* our communal harmony project’s retreat in sugad (at the brand spankin’ new Environmental Sanitation Institute)… where the kiddos decided to call their group “All In One” & truly bonded after a weekend of drama workshops & script writing & playing team building games that had them (& us) singing & dancing & laughing. i spent a lot of that weekend being the mother hen & trying to keep the darlings on schedule (yes, keeping others on time, that’s me. laugh as much as you want. i deserve it.) of course flexibility was key & somehow we managed to get quite a lot done in the day and a half we had. i wanted the kids to be more into the scriptwriting than they actually were but in the end we decided to just let their ideas flow & try to capture as much of their own dialogue as possible on tape/film & then later attempt to write a coherent story culling bits & pieces from all of their stories. shivana will update me on the fruit of our/their scriptwriting sessions soon i hope! * a day with four of my masis (my mother’s sisters) & the rest of my a’bad family which included much yummy food (of course), wearing a rida (the bohra answer to purdah) in order to visit a sacred roza site (the tomb of a religious soldier/saint) & watching peacocks dance while my masis prayed & patiently explained the process of ziarat to me. in ziarat there is a lot of kissing of tombstones & complicated salaams involved & i guess you could say in respect for their incredible faith i emulated what they did but outside the roza my cousin yunus & i had a long discussion about how different the concepts of islam are within our family & even within ourselves. over the course of this trip i have realized just how little i know about my family’s religion (dawoodi bohra) i have not yet let up with the constant questioning of my relatives regarding matters of blind faith & ritual. some rituals i watch from a distance, as a casual observer, taken in by the beauty and ceremony of it all. with other rituals i feel a bit more compelled to act as a critic. i suppose when i get home i’ll have a new perspective on all of it. it’s certainly been an eye-opening trip. anyways, it’s been amazing to listen to the stories & songs of my masis & i can almost picture how my own mother must have fit in with them as they laugh at/with each other. * then there was a sudden unplanned trip to kutch that i can’t wait to share with y’all via photos because it seems i’ve become less into language here & more into images. i can’t explain it really but i think it must be due to the fact that i am constantly straddling two languages at once & no longer quite sure of myself in either one. it’s that, or maybe i’ve just become quite a shutterfly & addicted to my digital camera. i must say though that kutch was one picturesque moment after another. the people & the landscape were simply gorgeous. * we made for a full-on jovial carload through the gujarati desert & i reckon from all that time spent in the car together we know all the veer-zaara film songs loved by anardidi, the punchlines to rahul’s funny stories in his funny gujarati, maria’s cute sleeping poses, anjali’s adorable laugh, jayeshbhai’s inimitable toilet humour, jayantibhai’s love of the road & my fear of it (practically-not metaphorically!) going on a trip with the manav sadhna crew invariably means that you meet the most giving & generous people doing NGO work in india. we had lunch at an embroidery collective called shrujan http://www.shrujan.org/docs/about_story.htm just outside of bhuj. the founders are old friends of jayeshbhai & anardidi & they welcomed us & gave us an informative tour of their museum/shop & workshop. i was enamored with the way they presented all of the different kutchi styles of embroidery, some of which they have actually helped to preserve. i love buying things when they come attached with a story…especially when that story includes economic & creative sustainability for women & their art. so i now have a beautiful shirt in the pukka tradition that i will wear with pride. after that was a brief pitstop at the bhuj bus stop to inspect the pay as you go public toilets & as was expected the women’s toilets were too horrific to use so we commenced cleaning them. jayeshbhai (whose father probably set up that public toilet in the first place) proceeded to talk to the station manager about the lack of sanitation & finagled a promise from him that the ladies’ toilets would be inspected more often & that they would be cleaned more regularly from now on. we took the promise & his name but on our return journey through bhuj the toilets were just as bad if not worse. sometimes you feel as if things will never change in india but part of the charm of travelling with manav sadhna is the fact that you are constantly part of a force that attempts positive change no matter what the results & you can’t remain disheartened for too long in the presence of such good energy.speaking of good energy, we reached ludiya and the smaller village of gandhi-nu-gam just after sunset & the whole place just glowed. this is the village that manav sadhna rebuilt after the devasting earthquake in 2001 & touches of their DIY philosophy & love are found in every facet of the community. here is a link to the website explaining their choice of ludiya as a rehabilitation project: http://www.indcast.com/ms/Ludiahome.htm indicorps fellows rupal & rishi were awaiting our arrival along with viral & eric from charity focus fame. we made for quite a posse & later that night we all walked to a neighboring village for a welcome feast. with just the moonlight & stars to guide us the walk was an exercise in just breathing deeply & following your feet. to get an idea of the poetics of this space i urge you to read rupal’s article that is found here: http://www.indicorps.org/docs/Rupal%20Soni_Barefoot%20Uphill%20Both%20Ways_Dec%202004.pdf. she describes the landscape the way i wish i could…that night was my first taste of kutchi hospitality & food & it certainly wasn’t the last…we were treated like very special guests/family at every single place that we went (another element to traveling with manav sadhna & doing seva/volunteer work i’ve realized) within minutes we had kids all over us & the boys were helping roll chapatis & we were invited to several houses to see their exquisite embroidered blouses (that didn’t quite fit me. just wait til you see the photos…i look like a lilliputian in one!) after dinner there was music & song & dance & when they said we were going on a social visit i didn’t realize just how social…& this was just the first day. every day afterwards we met more & more people who continuously amazed me with their spirit, their artistic talents, & their generosity. we went from village to village for the next few days visiting the various artisans & village heads that manav sadhna & indicorps work with & it was surprising to see just how different each of the communities were & also a bit strange to realize that some of the villagers (& i mean the women villagers) had never set foot out of their own communities. i reckon that part of the visit to a few places was to convince a few reluctant village men to allow their women to leave the village & show their embroidery work in a’bad for an upcoming exhibition. i never found out what became of that…i hope that it was mission accomplished!we also ventured further out to see the temple town of karu dungar, walked along the indo-pak bridge until the soldiers told us to go no further, stared across the immense salt plains, watched maria take photos of architectural elements while we had tea at a recently opened “resort,” slept in the gorgeously mudworked house of mahmoudbhai (who sang us to sleep with traditional folk music) & his wife (a national embroidery winner!) in dhordo, hennaed the hands of a groom as part of a wedding ceremony, drove into the salt desert in the back of a lorry, rescued viral’s glasses from a dusty demise, visited a chemical factory that looked absolutely surreal planted in the middle of the desert, bought the most beautiful game of snakes & ladders i’ve ever seen at another NGO near bhuj called kala raksha (http://www.kala-raksha.org/), listened to architects think at an NGO umbrella organization called abhiyan (http://www.kutchabhiyan.net/), watched anardidi & anjali pick out naturally dyed cloth for the tailors at gramshree , had wonderful conversations with eric while spinning about in the car, attended an engagement feast for our friendly telephone operator with what seemed like the entire town of khavda…that was the last night with the whole manav sadhna group but maria & i decided to go on to mandvi to see the ocean & to visit VRTI, an NGO that does pretty much everything in regards to sustainable agricultural development in the region (see http://www.panjokutch.com/geography/Agriculture.htm) after a brief walk picking up plastic along the polluted beach we wandered the old town & the ship building yards where we crawled into the belly of a ship & then that night we had the ride of our lives in a hand cranked rollercoaster. the next day we got a really nice tour of VRTI’s facility & an overview of their projects & then headed back to bhuj. i wasn’t supposed to stay. i had bought a bus ticket back to a’bad but after an afternoon of walking around the old city i fell in love with bhuj. maria, architect that she is, highlighted aspects of the ancient & damaged buildings that i never would have seen otherwise & my trigger happy camerafinger was sore by the end of the day. i could have spent weeks meandering up & down the streets there but i was lucky that i got a couple of days… we also met up with a friend of maria’s named iris who was studying the art of indian prints & she was sweet enough to share her hotel room & her fashion expertise with us. We desperately needed both! she took us to ajrakpur to see how masters of the craft use natural dyes & carved wooden blocks to make the labour intensive & indescribably beautiful ajrak fabric. i had just seen dr. ismail mamad khatri’s work in an exhibition called resurgence: stories of an earthquake, survival, and art in a’bad a few months before. i was touched by his family’s story (see http://www.housecallsindia.com/article.asp?aid=341) & took a photo of a print of his that moved me actually & all of a sudden here i was at his house/studio with his family seeing his artistic process from step one. such serendipity. you will see me wearing skirts made from his prints soon. we managed to get back to bhuj before sunset to see the aina mahal. it’s exactly what i picture when i think of a palace. it was badly damaged during the earthquake & in dire need of reconstructive surgery before the monsoons come. We met mr. p.j. jethi, the very sweet & informative curator of its museum & talked for a long time about the sad state of heritage sites in India & he hoped that the building would somehow be saved from further decomposition. I left with his book on kutchi culture & a promise to help publicize his cause…yet this is the first time in a month i’ve mentioned it. so if you have a chance please write a letter on his behalf to UNESCO (http://portal.unesco.org/en/ev.php-URL_ID=6427&URL_DO=DO_TOPIC&URL_SECTION=201.html)about the endangered site before the monsoon hits mid june. he just needs a little help & more funds to prepare the leaky walls for the inevitable water damage. alright . this will just haveta be part one of this update. i have babbled long enough. the other half of this update will center around my family visit to dahod for a wedding & seeing my parents’ old friends & traipsing about mumbai with the rest of my family…i learned a lot about our family on this trip that i’m still processing. about my plans to return home…i’ll be back after a month or so of pure mountain time. i head to the himalayas next monday & hope to wish the dalai lama happy birthday on july 6th in mcleod ganj before returning to mumbai before coming home home. i may run outta credit or karma before then so don’t be surprised if you see me sooner than later. i miss you all & have been excited to get any news of your lives. sorry i’ve been out of touch for soo long & i’m also sorry that i’m missing two more weddings, but congratulations & best of luck to dave & meredith & bryan & doreen!
love
ishdidi

i'm an april fool &

2005-04-01T07:31:00.000-08:00

i swear that my intentions were good. the beginnings of this note are already over a week old. & then two hours of writing just disappeared into the ether due to a computer glitch/hitch. the universe's april fool's joke on me i suppose. but i intended to start writing again writing anew writing afresh (essentially writing!) on 21mar05. i saw a photo of a man jumping over fire in celebration of "NAVROZE" in the paper & spent the whole day asking people what this day meant…much later, I cheated & googled it on the internet. I stole this description of navroze from http://www.parsicommunity.com/navroz/navroj.htm
“- nav meaning new and roze meaning day. It was the day of the Equinox - a day when light and darkness stand equal on the scale of space and time when the length of the day equals that of the night. That particular day came to be known as Jamshed Navroz. This new day is the beginning of a new year, a new awakening into an inner sphere of spiritual consciousness and a new vision of life.”
i'm not sure if it was all that but i certainly did enjoy walking around the city of mumbai with what seemed like new eyes in search of kitschy souvenirs with my sister & ben & zia. i also thought a lot of my friend stephanie & her new son as it was her birthday that day...which reminds me i have a slew of happy birthdays to send out that are all belated now but that were intended to be on time & personally delivered...happy birthday darlings ira & kim & lee & jennifer & amy & ilene! & i might as well add a happy birthday to estherluv & my daddy as i'm sure i won't be online again before yours... hope your new year brings y'all much bliss.
i'm not sure where to start now that i've begun. the last month & a half has flown by & i've been caught up in the whirlwind of it without stopping much to catch my breath. ahhh. hmmn. okay. i'm breathing again. well, sorta breathing because i've somehow caught a little cold & so i'm sniffling as i write this & appear rather pathetic with my hankerchief poised to rescue the webworld's communal keyboard from any potential nose explosions. my sneezes still sound like haikus leta...you would recognize them in a heartbeat.
to begin again. when i last wrote in february the communal harmony project kids had yet to meet each other & now they are quite close after a month of meetings & are about to spend a whole weekend together learning from each other & sharing their stories & singing & creating a script for their play & dancing garba & probably causing a lot of masti (mischief) & continuing to amaze us with their compassion & friendship & talent. i'm sure i'll have plenty of stories about them after this weekend to share that will be more fresh than the ones i've already collected in my dusty ol' head but it has meant quite a lot to get even a small glimpse into their lives & watch their understanding of each other grow & evolve. the idea of being tolerance rather than preaching tolerance goes well with the gandhian philosopy of being the change you want in the world. & these kids are following that creed well. i know that they will be an incredible example for others to follow in this riot affected & communally sensitive city. through the course of this project i have also discovered how much my activist aesthetic has changed since college. i remember being quite into "message" art & now i almost loathe it. i can't stomach the preachy dogmatic stuff & find it all rather cliche & obvious. when it comes to our project i almost feel like we shouldn't constantly have to mention their hindu-ness or moslem-ness & help reinforce their differences before they even have a chance to expplore their similarities. we've spent a bit of time struggling with how to incorporate a meaningful cultural religious exchange without highlighting religion in & of itself. perhaps that is more my struggle...but i really appreciated touching base with an NGO here called SPRAT- the society for the promotion of rational thinking & i like the way they practice communal harmony rather than preach it. check them out at http://www.mysprat.org/welcome.php & please support them financially if you can-they need the funds!
although the communal harmony project has been my primary project at manav sadhna, every day there tends to bring another projects' needs to the forefront & i am somehow automatically directed to help with something different almost every day. in the last month or so i have been kept rather busy...(& some of these things you may know about via the photos i sent out) but i'll just summarize a few of the satellite projects i've been involved with:
* took approximately 300+ kids & aunties on a field trip for kamlesh's birthday (kamlesh is total sweetiepie who runs the community center in the tekra) which involved basically piling the lot of them into three very large trucks & driving down a few highways & then climbing up & into a temple complex very reminiscent of a disneyworld ride & then getting back into the trucks & to another temple & feeding them in circles & then getting back into trucks for a very looong ride home where we ran out of gas (of course) & got stared at by a curious cow. this also included an afternoon of delayed cake cutting & a crazy dust storm caused by little dancing feet. we passed on the movie but apparently the kids really enjoyed three men & a baby dubbed in hindi.
* that same weekend, we took a busload of our blind school students on a field trip to the dakor mandir, the galteswar river, & the ajwa fun world amusement park. you can read nipun's wonderful account of that day here: http://nipun.charityfocus.org/blog/ar/pilgrimabad/000524.htmlbut i was truly touched (literally & figuratively) by the blind childrens' beautiful tactileness. the power of feeling things was continuously expressed with their curious hands. i nearly cried during the ascent of a rollercoaster when luxma, the girl i had spent most of the day with, squeezed my hand tight & said that the only reason she wasn't scared was because i was right there. speechless, i simply squeezed right back. i held a lot of different childrens' hands that day & i could swear that they guided me on a journey instead of the other way around.
* for a couple of busy busy weeks ellie, sunil, i, & whoever else we could rope into translating worked on study abroad scholarship applications with an organization here called vishvet & AFS http://www.afs.org/AFSI/ as with many spur of the moment projects at manav sadhna we had no idear what we were getting into or how long it would actually take to first find appropriate candidates for a whole year at an american high school & then complete a slew of college application style forms (all in english!) that had to be basically translated into gujarati for them & their parents & then back into english for us. there is nothing quite like compiling paperwork in india & we had medical forms to fill out by the tekra doctor, official school transcripts to dig out of cupboards, recommendation letters to solicit, photo collages & letters for the potential host families to create, intense cultural exchange essays to help them write, etc.etc. it was a lot of running around getting things to look just so (oh bless beaurocracy!) & a lot of deep reflection about the merits of sending impressionable kids from here to america. even though we explained that there is only a slight chance of being selected for the scholarship they all showed incredible dedication to the process & ended up with some of the best applications vishvet had ever seen. i just ran into one of the kids today & he has been practicing his english more & more... i really think that their hopes & dreams are strong enough to take them wherever they want to go.
* the balwadis started coming on little field trips to manav sadhna & there have been some absolutely hilarious days of playing with the kids at the ashram. when they come here we wipe a lot of noses, throw a lot of balls, push a lot of miniature cars about, & take them to the playground using the infamous choo-choo train method. i have sent y'alll photos of these pre-school kids before & i really cannot express how damn cute they are any other way. one of the lil ones came dressed up in a police commissioner's outfit & i didn't even need to pretend to get arrested. i couldn't stop smiling at him & his arresting kohl lined eyes.
* on march 12th i participated for the first day of the dandi yatra. for information on what the march intended to be you can go here: http://www.saltmarch.org/ for me the march was an interesting mix of indian politics & idealistic globe trotters. i met a few people that had travelled quite a ways to be a part of this march & i really hope that their experience has proved true to their cause(s). a lot of people thought that the march had become hijacked by the congress party (which tushar gandhi is a part of) & even manav sadhna took a more discreet role in participating in the march than was initially intended. still, we had the opportunity to be a part of it & i took advantage of it to gain entry into the all of a sudden heavily guarded ashram grounds to witness sonia gandhi symbolically start the march. the other thing i took advantage of was the walk itself...i saw parts of a'bad that i don't normally see. collected a lot of smiles from strangers & put them in my pocket for days when all i get are stares. we got to see riyazbhai's hood & a beautiful lake that i didn't even know existed & to quote poi dog pondering "you get to know things better when they go by slow" it was nice to celebrate gandhi in his city in that way. *the next day, after the blisters on my feet had a chance to get properly raw, i left for another type of yatra...i joined up with the charity focus folks on their gandhi yatra. i wasn't sure if i wanted to go at first but it ended up to be quite a powerful experience on many levels. we left at 5am & in my sleepy state i didn't even know where we were meeting up but as a stroke of poetic luck it was kabirwad. please see nipun's blog http://nipun.charityfocus.org/blog/ar/2005_03.htmlfor some of his stories about that magical place & i just discovered guri's blog too: http://ajourneytoindia.blogspot.com/ she is an amazing photographer & wordsmith too.
so i had no idea what a beautiful place i would end up in. & the first thing i put in my mouth upon arrival was a starfruit. bittersweet. just like me. as we crossed the narmada river the sight that greeted us was the rest of our crew doing a beach cleanup...they had finished two hours of picking up trash & there was still plastic peeking out from beneath the sand so right off the boat we joined in & i found a new revulsion for all things plastic. the gutka packets, water pouches, chip & biscuit packaging, bottles, bagsbagsbags...damn. whatever happened to paper anyway??? the problem with all that we collected was what to do with it all? bury it near a river that occassionally floods or burn it into the already polluted atmosphere? still, we picked as much of the trash up as we could...we wandered up to the temple past a sweet baby water buffalo (nicknamed dingli) & a few monkeys & made friends with the baraf gola vendors & chai shop owners & sugar cane juice dealers... they were surprised when we asked for their dustbins & even more surprised when we used them. in typical ish treehugger style, i headed straight for the banyan trees & ami, anjali & i spent some quality time cleaning up around their roots. afterwards we spent some quality time cleaning up our roots by taking a mudbath in the narmada. there is a reason rivers are sacred. after a day there we walked to another village through the fields...stopped due to the screams of a little girl named rinku who was simply the most adorable creature & who the doctor later told me had a severe case of pyoderma on her legs. after maria & anjali cleaned her wounds it was decided that we should take her to the hospital that day & so off maria & i went in the car with her & her family & as many other sick people we could find & fit into the van to the sewa rural hospital close to the village http://www.sewarural.org/hospital.htmthe hospital was more efficient than the train station. i was duly impressed. the doctors there had them diagnosed & prescribed & out within hours. & they didn't pay a dime. the medicine might be their only expense if they return but essentially i think they were exposed to the fact that health care is not out of their range of possibilities & i really hope that they will continue to use the hospital before any of their ailments get beyond help. i really hope that rinku's skin stays healed. & that the family learns prevention so that it doesn't infect all of them again. most of the time we spent in the village was spent connecting with the people & i hope imparting some sanitation values. i spent some quality time with one little girl picking up plastic all morning & then later when we were doing a kid's bathing session at the well she finally allowed me to wash her up...even brush her hair! i have soo many stories from just a few days there but now i need to stop. i haven't even touched upon how wonderful it has been to see family in a'bad & mumbai, i've heard stories about my mom as a young woman & taht her nickname was beda-or egg in urdu. so fitting for her. i've seen all the artificial flower shops that my fam has in a'bad, my kaka's health is good, my masaji was happy that i finally visited, my mumma's fabulous early birthday party at the bungla, seeing my mom & sister & ben was surreal & actually almost made me forget i was in india, my mamu was true to form & teased me incessantly the whole time we were on a family holiday to matheran. at least he didn't tease my horse...i nearly fell off during a gallop nonetheless! my cousins introduced us to some fabulous ice cream & i had a ritzy night out with anthony & melanie & kevin & saw a whole other side of mumbai...can't wait to go back & explore there some more.needless to say there is much more to say about my time here...the celebrations of sivaratri & holi were incredible to be a part of this time around...i had a lot of memories from 8 years ago to lay to rest & it was an intense time of recollection & reflection. this trip to india has been soo different from the others. i'm not sure when to end it. this week i need to decide whether or not to extend my visa or hop out of the country for a spell... my six months are coming to an end. if y'all have any advice you wanna send my way please do. i'm at a loss really. soo many weddings (congrats davey & shaama!) & birthdays & baby's first steps/words & art openings & house warmings that i've missed that i may still miss & all of that makes me wanna run home.
yet i'm not quite sure yet what else i'm coming back to.
i'll sleep on that tonight.
goodnight.
peace.
ciao ish

another ofoto link for you!

2005-03-07T08:39:00.000-08:00

Copy and paste the following URL directly into your browser: http://www.amazon.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=zgb2qvr.77be76yr&x=1&y=-l3j1yg

sending some love from a'bad

2005-02-14T07:58:00.000-08:00

so it's valentine's day & the amount of love here is endless... but i do miss all of you. so i send y'all virtual hugs & a wink or two.
i wander about a'bad in a constant state of wonder & i'm hoping that i don't appear to be too much of a space cadet but i'm actually quite busy & surprisingly filling up my cute lil day planner (one of which i've lost already-so please forgive me if i forget your birthday this year!!!!) with various appointments & social obligations.
i spend my days basically playing with a lot of kids & hearing the chant "photo paro photo paro" as i attempt to digitally document the various projects for manav sadhna. i'm starting to be known as "camerawali" so i may haveta give the camera a rest for a wee bit.
ellie & i have been visiting the balwadis for some time now & are now going to be responsible for getting to them & communicating with the teachers on our own! i'm a bit scared that my gujarati isn't quite up to the task but we'll give it a go & if we get lost in the tekra there is always someone that can show us the way back to manav sadhna. we've managed to organize our reporting system & also held a meeting/brainstorming session with the teachers asking them for their input on how the balwadis could be improved. the idea is for the balwadi to improve the entire family's standard of living (a lot like even start!) & there is much work to be done combating the problems they face. we've seen how alcoholism affects the tekra firsthand last week when a drunk man stumbled into one of the balwadis yelling & screaming at us & scaring the 3-5 yr old kids off right before we fed them lunch. i'm certain that a few of those kids missed their one meal of the day due to that incident.
the communal harmony project continues to be entertaining...we've had several meeting now & the kids sound wonderful singing & making music together & although the girls are a bit shy when it comes to the drama games i reckon they will gain confidence in time. we finally picked the 8 kids from the moslem school the other day & will begin working with them this week...they are very very excited to be a part of the project & incredibly talented as well. this friday we will take the hindu children into a moslem part of a'bad to witness a bit of the mohurrum rituals. next month, the two groups will meet & we are planning all sorts of activities to encourage open & provoking conversations between them as well as just allowing the kids to get to know each other & have fun.
there has been no shortage of projects to help with at the ashram. some days i help ellie with her english class, or go off with manish & mahesh to help with the non-formal street schools (but i basically serve as a distraction there!), or hang out practicing gujarati/english translation on the sunny porch with the earn&learn project kids making wedding invitations. & every day brings a new surprise. today gandhi's grandson came with a man named nipun mehta who runs an organization called charity focus. here is his blog: http://nipun.charityfocus.org/blog/we will hear more about what he's doing with manav sadhna tomorrow.
on a more social note, the other night we danced ras garba at a friend's cousin's wedding & then another night were taken to a sanskruti mela celebrating spring where we heard a desert symphony & watched all sorts of traditional dance & ate fresh dhokla (yum) & another night we had hannah & mansoor over for a homecooked meal...
speaking of food, i've developed an obsession with kulfi & indian chinese food. i will not be getting skinny here. at all.
oh! & i've reconnected with my family here which has been rather intense & much needed. my cousin yunus has introduced me to my mother's half-sister & half-brother's extended families. i was very moved by the way they welcomed me. i need to go back after mohurrum to visit them.going to see them also exposed me to a deeply moslem part of a'bad that i hadn't experienced yet. the old town is full of gorgeous islamic architecture & my eyes are i am also sending healing thoughts to my fakru kaka in mumbai who is recovering from an eye operation. send him some love too!
okay, enough for now. will send a poem soon.loveish

new photos for you!

2005-02-14T07:02:00.000-08:00

New ofoto link:
copy and paste the following URL directly into your browser:
http://www.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=zgb2qvr.65ea5uwb&x=0&y=ntuhcs

ofoto link!

2005-02-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

http://www.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=zgb2qvr.5tqhn5a3&x=1&y=-yqh27o

whatta amazing place

2005-02-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

i've finally landed at manav sadhna & it's beyond words how truly amazing this place is. if you haven't had a chance to check out their website yet, i urge you to do so: http://www.manavsadhna.org/coming here feels like coming full circle. feels like coming home. being here/working here/ learning here/playing here is a mixture of what i loved about my work at ASPIRE (Communities in Schools) and the Dougherty Arts Center, my peace & justice courses in college, my activist tendencies, my tumultuous family history, my idealism & my need for real-world practical solutions. i've only been here a week & yet i already feel this intense connection with the people here (they told me it was one big family & they weren't joking) there has been no shortage of introductions & i'm going through a strange brain freeze on remembering & pronouncing all of these names but my gujarati is coming back in jagged spurts mixed with a touch of espanol when i'm nervous & a bit of hindi when i'm confused...and really i should call what i'm speaking gujlish because everyone seems to pepper their conversations with a lil english. at the moment i am working on a few projects at once...one of them is a lot like even start actually! here the pre-k education/nutrition centers are called balwadis.a link to a better description of them: http://www.indcast.com/ms/NutCenter.htmellie & i have been recruited to help monitor these rather new centers. so every morning after pratna (a peace prayer/meeting) we wander to the slums (the tekra) to visit the various balwadis. we take a small path into the tekra from behind our house that winds past a field where all the kids fly their kites, & instead of road rage during our "commute" there is a certain zen to waiting for the various goats & stray dogs & cows to slowly move outta our way. the gullies (alleyways) to the balwadis are a labyrnith that we will eventually be able to master after a few months (i hope! or someone should send me a gps!) but right now we have a wonderful guide named suhag to take us to the balwadis & help us communicate with the teachers. this morning (just as we have done every morning this week) we watched the children sing & do their exercises & played some games with them. they are very cute & very curious about us & sometimes scared of us too. they immediately greet us with a "namaste" & there is a chorus of "tata tata" when we leave. hopefully they will become used to our visits & we can establish more long lasting connections with them. they are obviously in need of personal attention & care & these balwadis are a wonderful way for them to get used to going to school & being hygenic & eating nutritiously. there is an emphasis placed on cleanliness as well as education...an extention of gandhi's safai ethic. which is something i never really considered before but jayeshbhai's father (ishwar patel) is known as "mr. toilet" & with his NGO (the environmental sanitation institute) has been fighting the very humble fight of getting proper sanitation to the slums & villages in order to cut down on the water bourne diseases in india. we toured the new facility where they will train others on building low cost water efficient toilets as well as smokeless chullas (stoves) to cut down on smoke pollution. sorry if i'm rambling but i have learned soo much about this NGO that i want to share & i'm not being as concise & eloquent as i should be because i'm always composing in the moment at whatever internet cafe i happen to be at. so please forgive me. the other project i'm working on involves communal harmony. i've joined a new EKTA project here is a link to explain better what the manav sadhna EKTA project is:http://www.indcast.com/ms/usa%20HOME.htm that was started by an indicorp fellow named shivana and a local volunteer named jignesh. we're only just getting started with a few songs & only working with the hindu kids now & i'll know more once we've picked the kids from the moslem community & the play has been worked on.by the by, i can't tell you how wonderful it was to have my birthday here. at pratna i was intoduced to the lovely ritual of lighting a candle & creating light on your birthday instead of extinguishing it. in india it is traditional to give gifts/sweets to others on your birthday so i spent the day handing out chocolates to kiddos & adults alike. it was saturday & so the ashram was having a "saturday special" where the ashram kids get to just enjoy being kids & playing & so i played with them all day & handed out bananas & cadbury eclairs & over 200 children sang happy birthday to me in the cutest voices ever. it was a real priviledge to be able to spend my birthday here. i feel totally blessed.i should go for now...i'll write more later as the internet cafe here is broadband & quite close to the ashram itself. ellie (a cutiepie 19 yr old college student who is doing an independent study here & living with me in the manav sadhna guesthouse) has been incredibly patient as i've downloaded a bazillion photos & tried to finish this note up...look out for the ofoto invite i'm about to send ya too.hope all is well in your world. please keep sending me news of what's going on in your lives & i promise to write more personal emails & replies soon.happy republic day to all the indians out there!loveish

kochi on...

2005-01-09T08:36:00.000-08:00

hello sweeties,
i am finally feeling the urge to write a stream of something like consciousness travel journal to ya. i spent the entire day today being intentionally lost. for those of you who know me well, you can nod your head with understanding. basically, i needed to take a long walk & think.
this trip has been full-on. there is hardly a moment when my senses are not being fully engaged. & this sunday morning i woke up to the sound of catholic mass from the basilica directly across the street from my guesthouse. i had slept in (yes, sleeping til 8am is now considered sleeping in!) because james left this morning at 4am for the airport & so i collapsed back into a sound sleep after wishing him a safe & peaceful journey home. it felt odd not waking him up for a change...& i will miss him being here a lot. but i somehow managed to motivate & wander over to witness the strange sight of women in saris making the sign of the cross & then over to the chinese fishing nets to see the fisherman pulling up the ancient nets using a rock & pulley method that seemed religious in it's own way. i had brekky with the locals (all men & all staring) & nothing starts off my morning quite like the warmth of my highly sweetened & rather caffeinated morning chai coupled with something savoury & greasy. the parotha & channa i mean, not the men!
i had a long sit at a very mellow art cafe to try & figure out my next move but of course by the time i was ready to roll the train station reservations booth was closing & everything seems booked anyhoo so now i'm contemplating flying to mumbai & then praying that i get a seat on a train to a'bad from there by the 14th. this of course means that i will skip seeing any more of the south so i'm a bit torn.
but perhaps it is time for this part of my journey to end.
my long meandering walk took me through the christian area full of decorative star lamps & apartments with names like "pious place" & then on to the moslem area full of green & white minarets & the smell of roasted cashewnuts & sandalwood oil. i never made it to the jewish quarter today because i got waylaid at a couple of art galleries & hung out with some very interesting local artists/photographers/political activists. the save periyar river movement is a big cause here & so a lot of the art & writing around town is about that. i bought a couple of small pieces of art there & a book written by a tibetan refugee & mentioned to them how the shop reminded me of resistencia bookshop in austin, tejas. it felt like home.
this internet cafe is feeling like home now. i feel like everytime i get on a computer it takes far longer than i intended to write even a short bit. i wanted to tell y'all about james' first night in madras when we wandered into a charities first anniversary celebration & got to hand out school uniforms, or the sound of hundreds of chisels striking against rock at all of the stone carvers' shops in mahabalipuram, or perhaps the feel of the wind dreading my hair as we zoomed past ancient temples on a shiny new motorbike, or the serendipity that was running into my friend simon cooper & his partner marian at the top of a rock temple in trichy after more than ten years, or the sight of thousands of hindu pilgrims dressed all in black or orange or white streaming out of the temple in madurai that looked like a giant pastry made of gods & goddesses. of the day or two spent in shock in a hotel room with cnn/bbc when we finally got the news of the tsunami (two days later!) of trying to get a hold of hannah & mansoor & seeing them waltz right up to us at a cafe after just spending the night in the the same hotel (& next door in fact) of finally getting sand stuck in between my toes again & the amazing trainride game of knockout whist we played with some cute indian kiddos & the smile of the tibetan boy that greeted me every morning with a "hello goodbye!' or the gorgeous house by the sea that we stayed at that came complete with a trip to the funkiest magic show ever to ladies waiting rooms at train stations that were actually speakeasies to mosquito attacks from hell to water lilies guiding our canoe to sunsets that looked like actual postcards to a mountain busride that left me slightly nauseus & exhilirated at the same time to the sight of wild boar & sambar & otters at periyar lake to cheeky monkeys in treetops to long lazy walks through spice infused streets in kumily to even longer busrides to here. now. where emotions are high & time is suddenly run out. & that is all just the last few weeks. my time with my family was an amazing & intense time that i will share with y'all later.
'k, hope this note finds you well. i am off ta bed now.
keep sending me news of your lives. i love reading it!
love
ish

Urgent Relief Needed for Tamil Nadu Tsunami and Earthquake Victims

2005-01-06T08:36:00.000-08:00

dear friends & family,
thank you for all your letters of concern & outpourings of love. i am truly grateful that i have all of you in my life & cannot even begin to express how much it means to me to start this new year by simply being able to thank each one of you for being there. james & i are in varkala, kerala at the moment & totally safe & sound. our hotel is atop a cliff face overlooking the beach & it is almost (almost!) as if the tsunami didn't hit here. but it did. & people were affected. & we are still working out what we can do to help while at the same time working out how to go on with our trip. there was a surreal quality to our new year's eve. i'm not sure quite how to describe how i'm feeling exactly except to say that i am overcome with both sadness & joy at the same time. my whole day yesterday was spent in the waves. i couldn't get out of the water. struck by awe & wonder. in a strange way i think i have been making my peace with the ocean. tomorrow we are heading to kollam which was hit harder by the tsunami & i've contacted the organization i've working with in gujarat to see if they can use my help while i'm in the south...we'll see. otherwise, james & i are attempting to help with money & clothing donations & also by simply being tourists in a tourist economy. i've pasted a letter from lakshmi that lists ways that you can help if you're able.
i am wishing you all a safe & happy new year that will hopefully be filled with much more joy than sorrow.
i'm really really sorry that i haven't been blogging or even sending out many updates but this trip has overwhelmed me a bit & i hope that at some point i'll be able to send out something poetic. i keep saying it will be soon & then it's later already.
ciao.
love,
ish

----Original Message Follows----
From: "Lakshmi V."
To: ish
Subject: For ish kundawala, Urgent Message

Please forward this urgent appeal to all your friends and relatives.

Urgent Relief Needed for Tamil Nadu
Tsunami and Earthquake Victims

[Instructionsfordonatingbelow;alldonationsare501(c)3taxdeductable.]
http://www.foodrelief.org

[Morephotosatthebottomofthispage.]

Dear friends and devotees,

Jaya Sri Rama. Please accept my humble pranams.

We are all very saddened about the terrible devastation that has fallen on our brothers and sisters in South India and other parts of the world.

In response to the recent tsunami, the Bhaktivedanta Ashram is arranging a team of volunteers in Tamil Nadu to begin relief work to help the victims. Relief activities are expected to begin on Thursday, December 30th. Within several days an additional team of volunteers from our Orissa ashram will join them to provide further relief supplies including basic necessities for children and their families. Due to the long term effects of this disaster, the Bhaktivedanta Ashram plans to open a permanent relief center in Chennai so that relief activities can continue even after the immediate media attention dies down. With our past experience of the Orissa cyclone in 1999 we know that such disasters lead to long term difficulties for the victims that continue even after the relief organizations leave. With that in mind we are planning to maintain our relief center in Tamil Nadu permanently so that we can continue caring for those in need, especially the children who are affected by this disaster.

Reports indicate that the death toll in India has reached over 12,500 so far, with children accounting for up to a third of all the dead. Health reports state that the spread of disease could kill as many people in the coming weeks.

In such a situation with millions of displaced people suffering in need of food and clothing it seems an impossible task, but we should not let this discourage us. Let every one of us help in whatever little way we can.

We humbly request all those with sufficient means to donate towards the tsunami relief work in Tamil Nadu. To donate by credit card you may visit our website and enter your donation through our secure server:

http://www.foodrelief.org

Donations may also by sent by check made payable to "Bhaktivedanta International Charities" with the words 'Tamil Nadu Relief' in the memo field:

Bhaktivedanta International Charities
P.O.Box 34153
Los Angeles, CA 90034
United States of America

I would like to again thank all of our friends and donors who have contributed towards our projects in the past and request everyone to offer whatever service they can, regardless of how small, to help this urgent cause.

Yours in service,

Jahnava Nitai Das,
Bhaktivedanta Ashram &
Bhaktivedanta International Charities
http://www.foodrelief.org

How you can help:

The following are among the aid agencies accepting contributions for those affected by the earthquake and tsunamis in Asia. Contact the individual group for information on how to send donations.

American Jewish World Service

45 West 36th Street

New York, NY 10018-7904

800-889-7146

www.ajws.org

American Red Cross

International Response Fund

PO Box 37243

Washington, DC 20013

800-435-7669

www.redcross.org

CARE USA

151 Ellis Street NE

Atlanta, GA 30303

800-422-7385

www.careusa.org

Catholic Relief Services

PO Box 17090

Baltimore, MD 21203-7090

800-736-3467

www.catholicrelief.org

Direct Relief International

27 South La Patera Lane

Santa Barbara, CA 93117

805-964-4767

www.directrelief.org

Doctors Without Borders

PO Box 2247

New York, NY 10116-2247

888-392-0392

www.doctorswithoutborders.org

The First Church of Christ, Scientist

Tsunami Relief

175 Huntington Avenue

Boston, MA 02115

617-450-3205

International Orthodox Christian Charities

PO Box 630225

Baltimore, MD 21263-0225

877-803-4622

www.iocc.org

International Medical Corps

11500 West Olympic Blvd., Suite 506

Los Angeles, CA 90064

800-481-4462

www.imcworldwide.org

Oxfam America

26 West Street

Boston, MA 02111-1206

800-776-9326

www.oxfamamerica.org

Mercy Corps

PO Box 2669

Portland, OR 97208

888-256-1900

www.mercycorps.org

Operation USA

8320 Melrose Avenue, Ste. 200

Los Angles, CA 90069

800-678-7255

www.opusa.org

Source: Associated Press

thanksgiving

2004-11-24T21:39:00.000-08:00

i'm thankful i have only three minutes left to write this. i'm thankful for hindi filmstar posters singing to me. for rickshaw drivers who avoid running me over. for rose & jasmine garlands. for my refusal to litter the street. for my family clinging to me even when i yearn to be free. for mendhi on my hands & for pedicures. for veg pulao. for bottled water. for any water at all. for the family resemblance. for wedding parties. for rooftops. for chai. for unconditional love.
i must go but know that i am thankful for all of you too. i miss y'all. happy thanksgiving.
love,
me.

in dunkerque...

2004-11-07T13:40:00.000-08:00

a true first day in france, i woke up hungover from champagne & vin rouge because after ali picked me up at the port of calais & we spirited back to his home in dunkerque (which my tongue can only pronounce in espanol) & a few hours playing catch up with my amina masi & the kids we were off to a dinner party with his boss that lasted hours...tres european. it was a welcome night filled with good conversation that i half understood & wine that i understood completely. somehow my jetlag was postponed indefinitely.
now as i sit here trying to digest my day i keep wanting to express myself with all these gorgeous french words that i am utterly in awe of but i can't. how i wish i knew just a little french. thankfully, between my broken gujarati & slow english i am communicating with the family but there are moments when i just nod & hope for the best. i have a feeling that this is just the beginning of my tongue-tiedness.
it is now tuesday evening & i have gotten quite a taste of their life in france. it has been lovely to stroll by the seaside & take it all in. we've discussed many aspects of our very different lives & cried & laughed & i've visited the kids at school & watched masi pray namaaz & eaten rafika's scrummy samosas & belgian waffles & played the slot machines at the casino & confronted french imperialism & the experiences go on & on. i am most definitely on my way...to somewhere different. i'm not quite sure where this journey will take me but there have already been surprises. & i am learning that surprises are all i can expect at this point.

it's the night before...

2004-11-04T23:24:00.000-08:00

i leave & i'm all packed up & restless. of course i can't sleep even though i should. the past few days have been full of family time & last minute errands. my parents have put up with me quite gracefully considering the rather frantic state i'm in. but as most of you know, everything always works out in the end. i have a new backpack that i have filled to capacity with warm clothes for england & france & another small bag that is filled with small gifts for my relatives. i'm sure i've overpacked but...i can shed. at least that is what i intend on doing. every stop will lighten my step.
the digital camera my father got me was intimidating at first but my brother came over & schooled me as only a little brother that is more technologically comfortable can do. i hope to be able to post photos on ofoto that y'all can access.
my sister called tonight & asked if she could come with me. she hasn't wanted to talk to anyone since bush won the election. says everyone in seattle is walking around consoling each other. i assume that the same is true all over the place. nearly half of the states in a state of defeat. i doubt unity will come easily or soon. & so i am ready to leave this divided nation for a while & remember again what it feels like to be a citizen of the world.
on that note, i am emigrating to my bed.
good night sweet dreams & don't let the bed bugs bite.

details details

2004-09-30T11:31:00.000-07:00

so i suddenly realized that i should let y'all in on a few details...
i'm leaving austin on november 1st. don't worry, i'll vote early! i may not come back if bush wins so i have a lot riding on this election. just kidding. well, sort of. anyways, after re-storing all my odds & ends at my parents' house in dallas & saying my goodbyes & gathering up gifts for the relatives... i'll be off on nov.5th to london & probably off to france to see my cousin ali & his adorable family the very next day. i reckon i'll be back in london by the 12th. plenty of time to catch up with esthermonkey, di & m, & my darling host james (who may join me on an adventure through south india! fingers crossed...) & then i leave for mumbai on the 18th of nov. arriving that very night to begin the six months that my visa allows. i expect mumbai will be a whirlwind as it often is & i look forward to reconnecting with all my family there. i can't wait to see how much everyone has grown! by the 25th of november i will be attending my cousin aliza's wedding in dahod, gujarat. i will visit with my family in dahod for some time & then fly/train/drive to chennai. it will be exciting to see my cousins there & also to experience an entirely different side of india. mid-december to mid-january will be adventuring time. from chennai down to kanyakumari up through the kerala backwaters & the karnataka & goan beaches back to mumbai & then to ahmedabad hopefully in time for the kite festival. by the end of january i will begin my volunteer job at Manav Sadhna (Gandhi Ashram) where i will be for the next three or four months. i'm not sure exactly what i will be doing yet but the organizers sound like amazing & transformative people & i can't wait to see what project we will envision together to help promote peace, justice, and religious tolerance in gujarat. for more info on the organization, here is their very informative website : http://www.manavsadhna.org/
& here is another one for a wonderful project there that i may be helping out with as well: www.bigcirclemedia.com/ahimsa
i found both of these projects thanks to a remarkable non-profit called indicorps that my friend leena turned me onto. i am very very grateful! their website is here : http://www.indicorps.org/
this blogging thang is rather strange & new to me but i was introduced to it by a few friends who are also on volunteer journeys around the world & so i thought i would give a shout out to them for inspiring me & for being such lovely examples.
vini & dawn are at : http://mzinga.blogspot.com/
& mansoor &hannah are at : http://8inindia.blogspot.com/
you can find me here. sometimes. www.wanderish.blogspot.com
i will attempt to send emails as well but if you wish not to get my babblings from across the pond & over the ocean at this e-mail address (or any e-mail address for that matter) please let me know...
i am very very excited & scared & a bit wobbly at the moment but i know that i have your support & well wishes & that keeps me smiling! thanks for that.
love,
ish

after nights of thematic uncertainty

2004-09-27T11:18:00.000-07:00

after nights of thematic uncertainty
i blame it on the number 13 & my baggage
contained 7 days & 6 nights exactly.
i flung it like salt over my shoulder & left.
leaving does not require much. movement.
perhaps two or three words. a kiss on the cheek.
tears. for effect. a backwards glance. for effect.
it is easier to leave than to think about leaving.
after nights of thematic uncertainty & maps
strewn about so damn casually there is nothing
left to do. there are so many ways to leave
& i want to try them all. to find those two or three words
& a more passionate kiss. blame it on the number 13.